Believe it or not, it's just me!

There's nothing left to say.

 

I hope you blow away.

Aaah.  In 14 minutes will be the day of my 8th year wedding anniversary.  I didn't get my husby shit. I didn't think about it.  I knew the day was sneaking up on me, but I just didn't follow through with any of these damn voices telling me to go to WalMart and at least get a fuckin card.  I got nothing and feel like shit over it.  Chances are, I got the same thing.  It's not like I don't love him cuz I do.  I love him with all my heart.  I do love being in love. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

 

I am still only human.  I still look.  I still think there might be something out there.  But what if there isn't?  I'lll totally screw myself just thinking of having a thought.  Oops.  I'm fucked.  If 7 years is an itch, 8 must be the scratch. 

 

I think I'll get my husby a bi-sexual hot chick with fake boobs who swallows for our anniversary.  Anyone know where I can get one of them without STDs? 

 

 

So I know you are all just dying to know what the hell I've been up to lately.  Here is the latest:

 

10 - I've lost 10 pounds in the last 3 wseeks.  (I'm pretty proud of this one as it was one of my hardest accomplishments ever.)

 

9 - I have a new Blackberry.  Her name is Pearly Gates. (Even though she is a Curve, not a Pearl and very distantly related to Bill Gates.)

 

8 - I have a new cat.  He was rescued from the SPCA in January.  His name is Skut Farkus.

 

7 - My car has not been in ANY type of accidents (or purposes) for over 30 days.  (That would be 32 days to be exact.)

 

6 - I'm not pregnant!

 

5 - I still don't have a real job and I don't care.  I'm gonna milk it until I turn it into cheese!

 

4 - I only have 3 VWs and 1 Benz-O.  I just got Crazy Mikes bug from him (Even tho it is still in his garage and not mine.  I'll have to get it soon before his wife goes postal over it.)

 

3 - My 3 year old daughter slept through the night on the 20th of this month.  I'm so excited because now I know she is capable of it.

 

2 - I almost got my taxes filed on time.  (No, not really, but it almost sounds good.)

 

1 - That's all I got.  I was really reaching on the last few.

Err.  Can’t sleep.  I haven’t slept a full night of sleep for over 10 years now.  It has nothing to do with having children and having to get up with them.  Nothing.  Nothing works.  I’ve tried every single sleeping remedy I can think of, everything ever posted to the web, every wise tale, every prescription, every other the counter sleep aid medication.

 

I’ve decided there are 3 levels of Insomnia. 

 

The first – very mild in my opinion:  You have a hard time falling asleep. Maybe an hour or two of restlessness. Once you are asleep, you usually stay asleep, or wake up once or twice with little restlessness.  This is actually my favorite kind of night.  I can be very productful during these times of awakeness.  I am usually pretty alert for several hours before I start nodding off – I can watch TV, Work on the computer, hold a decent conversation, bake cookies…  Most sleep aids can work if you let them – meaning you have to want them to work.  You have to take them and lay down.  Not take them then pick up your drunk neighbor and do a few more shots with them.

 

The second level, Moderate insomnia.  This is hard, when you are actually tired and cannot fall asleep.  You can take meds and sometimes they might work.  You can do very little as you are tired.  Your eyes are tired.  You cannot really read the computer anymore.   TV is just annoying.  Legs are jumpy.  Not comfortable.  A zillion things racing through your head about what you forgot to do – turn off the sprinklers, mail the mortgage, fix the fridge, buy milk… and the things you had better not forget to do when you wake up without going to sleep:  Call Mom, David’s birthday, feed the cat.

 

The third, most severe, desperate to get a little REM before 7 am:  This one sucks.  The most severe insomnia I have experienced has been happening lately.  It comes and goes in its severity.  I don’t think I have gotten more than 6 hours of sleep combined in the last 2 months.  Seriously.  I lay in bed.  Awake.  I toss.  I turn.  I can stay still for hours and not fall asleep.  I am tired.  I am so tired I think the next few minutes for sure, I’ll be out.  I’ve taken drugs.  I‘ve had a drink or three.  I’m so tired; I cannot lift the remote to turn on the TV.  My eyes are burning.  I’ve counted all my sheep.  I have nothing on my mind.  No worries.  I should be falling asleep any second now.  I have lavender on my pillow.  My children are silent.  The room is a perfect sleeping scenario.  Dark, cool, quiet.  My bed is comfortable.  Why the hell is it 5 a.m. and I still haven’t fallen asleep?  Now I start to worry that I’m not going to make it to REM again tonight.  My children will be awake in less than an hour, so I may as well get in the shower now if I want one.  Fuck.  I hate this.