Believe it or not, it's just me!

Err.  Can’t sleep.  I haven’t slept a full night of sleep for over 10 years now.  It has nothing to do with having children and having to get up with them.  Nothing.  Nothing works.  I’ve tried every single sleeping remedy I can think of, everything ever posted to the web, every wise tale, every prescription, every other the counter sleep aid medication.

 

I’ve decided there are 3 levels of Insomnia. 

 

The first – very mild in my opinion:  You have a hard time falling asleep. Maybe an hour or two of restlessness. Once you are asleep, you usually stay asleep, or wake up once or twice with little restlessness.  This is actually my favorite kind of night.  I can be very productful during these times of awakeness.  I am usually pretty alert for several hours before I start nodding off – I can watch TV, Work on the computer, hold a decent conversation, bake cookies…  Most sleep aids can work if you let them – meaning you have to want them to work.  You have to take them and lay down.  Not take them then pick up your drunk neighbor and do a few more shots with them.

 

The second level, Moderate insomnia.  This is hard, when you are actually tired and cannot fall asleep.  You can take meds and sometimes they might work.  You can do very little as you are tired.  Your eyes are tired.  You cannot really read the computer anymore.   TV is just annoying.  Legs are jumpy.  Not comfortable.  A zillion things racing through your head about what you forgot to do – turn off the sprinklers, mail the mortgage, fix the fridge, buy milk… and the things you had better not forget to do when you wake up without going to sleep:  Call Mom, David’s birthday, feed the cat.

 

The third, most severe, desperate to get a little REM before 7 am:  This one sucks.  The most severe insomnia I have experienced has been happening lately.  It comes and goes in its severity.  I don’t think I have gotten more than 6 hours of sleep combined in the last 2 months.  Seriously.  I lay in bed.  Awake.  I toss.  I turn.  I can stay still for hours and not fall asleep.  I am tired.  I am so tired I think the next few minutes for sure, I’ll be out.  I’ve taken drugs.  I‘ve had a drink or three.  I’m so tired; I cannot lift the remote to turn on the TV.  My eyes are burning.  I’ve counted all my sheep.  I have nothing on my mind.  No worries.  I should be falling asleep any second now.  I have lavender on my pillow.  My children are silent.  The room is a perfect sleeping scenario.  Dark, cool, quiet.  My bed is comfortable.  Why the hell is it 5 a.m. and I still haven’t fallen asleep?  Now I start to worry that I’m not going to make it to REM again tonight.  My children will be awake in less than an hour, so I may as well get in the shower now if I want one.  Fuck.  I hate this.